Here I am again. The past couple of weeks have been crazy.

Time went so slowly at first when I got to UCLA. They packed it with fun things for us to do, and I was crazy busy meeting everyone, but I just didn't have any kind of routine down yet. Now I sorta do, and it's better.

Today sucked, though. We had a HUGE game against Cal, which we won in the final minutes thank you very much, and I couldn't go to it because I went too late to get a ticket for my dad, who was planning to come down today. Which was ok, cause he and I would spend the day together doing something fun, right? Nope. Everyone else went off at around 2 in the afternoon and I stayed here waiting... and waiting... for my dad to get here. 4 hours after he said he would. We spent a total of 4 hours together before he went back to his hotel to sleep. My stepmom has a friend an hour away from campus and she and the kids were already there, so that's where we all went, and we made awkward conversation and then excused ourselves, and I got back to my dorm at 9:30, and it's still deserted. Lame!

Football here is awesome, though. I never thought I could be a sports fan, but it's just what you do here. The energy at the games is simply amazing. I'm beginning to understand the big deal about school spirit. It really makes you feel... included, I guess.

I don't like how no one smokes pot at parties here, though. Wanna know why? Because it means that I can only get fucked up off of alcohol, and alcohol turns my face into a bright purple cherry. Even a couple ounces of beer makes me flush. It sure makes things fun, though, in a way pot never did. I'm always torn though - have fun and look like ass, or keep my looks (such as they are) and mope around? Oh, my life is hard.

So... I met up with another fetish guy on Tuesday. His name is Greg. He's just a little older than me. I think he really knows how to dominate me, though. Alden was too immature just because of his age. I always complained about how I held the power in the relationship. Well, I don't think Greg will let me hold the power! Not that he's an abusive badass, but he won't let himself be bossed around like so many guys. I think he might be that balance I've written about with such longing. He's not gonna date me though. I guess I respect him for realizing that he can't have a relationship with a 19-year-old. It's just that the respect makes me want to at least see what he would be like as a boyfriend. Of course, if he wanted to date me, then I would lose respect for him and wouldn't want to know him as a boyfriend... I love Catch-22s. I dunno, I'm not in love with him, but I think that he's at least going to be an excellent friend with benefits.

I still wanna hook up with cuties here, though! I guess there's nothing really holding me back, but I don't want people to think I'm a whore. And they are VERY ready to think that about anyone, just as I predicted before I came here. So... I dunno. At least I've got a guy in one realm. We'll just have to see about the other one.

This is the most pathetic Saturday night ever. I'm going to go do something else now.